


Someone should kill the sun

by MsEnny



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Has Issues, Camille being herself, Chapter 2 is up, Drama, M/M, Magnus is a babe, Malec Love, Simon the babysitter, You will smile, then you will cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsEnny/pseuds/MsEnny
Summary: “You know, Mags. Last night I had a kind of revelation.”“Really?”“Yes. I-… I know it’s late, but I realized, stupidly, that I never really told you how much I love you.”Magnus didn’t talk anymore. He didn’t have to.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys! I'm new around here and, well, Malec is so beautiful that I had to do something about it. 
> 
> This is my first FF, not only about Magnus and Alec but in English. You have to know that this is not my first language and you can find some mistakes in the story, so if you find them, please help me and let me know. 
> 
> I was writing happy stuff so i don't really know how this happened lol 
> 
> Also I'm not sure if this is the end of the story. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

It was insane.

Since they began their relationship, Alec knew it wasn´t meant to be. 

It wasn´t for lack of love or anything like that. It was because Magnus deserved better. And maybe he was going to pretend for a while that they were good, they will play along this dream and start having dates and spending the nights in each other’s arms; but it was insane. 

He didn’t deserved Magnus. He was a killer, after all. He wasn’t clean and definitely in no position to be loved for the other man. However, he could keep the lie a little more. He was happy, even if he was living a lie, the smile in his lips was true. His feelings were true. And that man standing in front of him, cooking some eggs and pancakes for breakfast, was willing to give him love, like the beautiful person he is. 

So bring it on.

“If you finished spacing out, you can start enjoying my cooking skills, Alexander.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Alec apologies while taking the honey and spreading it in the pancakes. He could feel the glare Magnus was giving him, asking in silence what’s wrong with him. 

“I was… I was thinking about my sister. Izzy has been very emotional about Simon, you know? She thinks the nerd is seeing someone else.”

“What? That is ridiculous. Sheldon is deeply in love with Isabelle.” He said taking a seat. He was starving and, not to be pretentious, but his food was really good. “Besides, no one stands a chance in front of your sister’s beauty. Shane can´t find a better partner than her.”

“Well, Izzy is overthinking. She texted me the whole weekend.”

The older sighed. “And that is the reason why you’ve been so distracted? The ‘Sizzy’ love life drama?”

Alec smiled. “You can keep trying, but those names are horrible.”

“Nu-uh. You love them. ‘Malec’ is the best one and you will grow fond of it, just wait a little.” He defended himself. Watching Alec smile because of him was the best way to start the day. The boy was beautiful but see him happy was just a light at the end of the tunnel. “But don´t change the topic, darling. What’s going on in that pretty head of you? Is something else bothering you?”

“No.” He answered quickly. The lies were shadows growing stronger, but Alec really needed to keep Magnus by his side for a little while. He is selfish enough to pretend a little longer that everything is fine. “And just so you know, we are late for Clary’s party. Jace asked me to be there helping with the liquor and drinks.”

“And I don’t get why he choose you for that. No offense, but if someone has knowledge about alcohol that would probably be me.”

“Yeah” he accepted. “But also you will drink the bottles before the party begin. So you better help Isabelle with the food. God knows we have to be careful if she is in the kitchen.”

“Have a little faith in her. She can’t be that bad, Alexander.”

“Magnus, really, you have no idea.” He smiled remembering when Jace ended up in the hospital after stealing the birthday cupcake Izzy baked for Alec. He said thank you, after Jace came back to the house, knowing what his destiny could have been.

They finished there and changed clothes to a more formal style. It wasn´t that kind of party, but Magnus never let him go out if his clothes has holes or too much black in it. Stupid rules Alec has to follow so Izzy won’t kick him out of her house. 

When they arrived at ‘Sizzy’s house’ –Magnus didn´t stop calling them that fucking name– he was put in a really tight hug. Isabelle looked really happy, and she started talking about how much she had missed him and how he is a bad brother for not visiting more often. Simon thought the same, because he also hugged him and, okay, that was weird.

“If someone else put hands on me…”

“Oh, come on, big brother. I haven´t seen you in ages! I am totally allowed to touch you whenever I want. And Magnus gave me permission since day one, so shut up.” She stated while hugging him again. Alec sighed and a small smile did appear in his face. He couldn´t help it, he loved Isabelle so much.

“Alec! Magnus! Finally!” Clary showed up with her long red hair and a big tummy. The girl was almost in time. Alec never thought that she would be the first of them to get married, and even more surprising was that she was already pregnant. Jace was struggling a little with the idea of being a father, but everybody was really supportive. Alec was happy for them. He always knew that they were endgame, he knew it even when Alec had a little crush on his adoptive brother years ago. “That bag better be real food or I’m going to cry. It won’t be pretty, guys.”

Magnus took the bag from Alec’s hands and handed it to Clary. The girl, smelling the food, ran to the house, happy.

“I don’t know what she is talking about. We have plenty of food. I made it myself.” Izzy rolled her eyes. 

Everybody stared at her nervously. 

“Well, let’s go inside. We need to start this party.” Was the only thing Simon said while Isabelle walked offended after Clary and the bag full of pizza.

People was talking, the music not so loud. Magnus was stealing drinks from Jace and Simon was dancing with Clary, which was funny because everybody thought at some point that Simon will be mad about how things turned out. It wasn’t a secret that Simon had a big crush on Clary. However, since Izzy broke up with Merlion and she grow closer to the Lewis boy, things took a new color.

Alec was sitting in the couch, close to a big window. The view was beautiful, his sister was taking good care of the magnificent garden they have. 

“You look so handsome in blue, you know” Magnus had a glass of wine in one hand and with the other arm he passed it around Alec’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Jace was being mean, he took away the tequila. Can you believe him? He doesn’t know how to treat a brother in law.”

“Maybe it was for good. How many drinks you had? Six, seven?”

“Actually nine if you count this wine. But it’s okay, we are staying here tonight and Simon’s phone is broken so no one will post anything on facebook or Instagram.”

“Yeah, that is good.” Alec chuckled. 

“Besides, if I get drunk, I can put it as an excuse so I can drag you earlier to our bedroom.” He said smiling with lust in his eyes. “I really need time with you in a bed”

Alec blushed. The way Magnus talked to him every time he was horny was just a lot to handled. Alec felt his heart beating faster and his face was so red and hot that it was even more embarrassing. 

“Okay, but it would be better if, you know, I’m doing it to you. I don’t want to repeat the situation in Jace’s house.”

“Oh, don’t. I was very mad that all of them heard you screaming while I was inside you. It’s horrible. I’m the only one who can do, see and hear you like that. I was very mad.”  
“I can’t believe that is what you were and are worried about.” He said, sighing.

“Alexander, I don’t share and you know that.” He stated while hugging Alec’s arm. “I’ll be insane if I let anyone have the chance to take you away from me.”

That sweet and drunk bastard.

Alec couldn’t answer anything. Simon approach them and took Magnus hand dragging him inside the party again. A party. If that is what a couple of persons trying not to fall in the ground was. 

Clary, of course, as the pregnant lady she was, kept laughing at everyone’s nonsense all night. Maybe memorizing details so she’ll blackmail people tomorrow. Alec was proud of her. When he met her, she was this naïve girl who took shit from people, Jace included. But now all of them can tell how much she grew up, and the proof was how well she handled the situations with her family and with him.

The oldest Lightwood stayed there for a couple of minutes. His mind was surfing in the idea that kept bugging him since the incident with Clary’s mom almost a year ago.  
He needed a break. Of everything. Of life itself. 

 

 

“Someone should like… kill the sun.” Was Jace’s voice, followed by Clary’s laugh. 

“Such a baby.” Was Isabelle’s voice, more clear with every step Alec take to the kitchen. His head was hurting bad and his throat was asking desperately for water. Who invented tequila was a cruel bastard. That for sure. “Alec, I thought you and Bane were kind of dead. I knocked at the door for almost five minutes.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.” He said with all his grumpy power. Every sound was just too loud.

“Someone said my name?... Oh god, what happened to my voice?” Magnus entered with pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Alec’s t-shirt. 

Everyone was in the kitchen, trying to keep up with what happened last night. Alec remembered almost everything. At least everything that happened in the party. It was a mystery how he woke up in the guest room with Magnus and his shirt turned apart. Was it Magnus who walked him there? Was Clary or Izzy? Maybe Jace?

Nope. Nothing came to his mind. But it wasn’t important thought. He woke up hangover, a headache of the size of himself, but looking at the bright side, it was fun.

“Now that we’re all together and, you know, conscious, what we should do now?”

“For a pregnant woman, you are non-stoppable, biscuit.” Magnus said, drinking a new glass of water. 

“Clary is right. You all are always so busy! It’s time for us to have an adventure, like in the old times.” Simon agreed with the read head, while Izzy kissed his cheek, in total acceptance.

“What about a trip?”

All the eyes on him and Alec blushed furiously.

What? He could have good ideas. Sometimes.

Besides, Alec had a revelation last night. And it was a good time for that trip. Was even necessary. 

“That sounds lovely, darling. You know how much I love going to new places.” Magnus said with a bright smile. 

Soon “Sizzy” was in. “Clace” was in. And “Malec” was in charge of the preparations. Everyone was totally okay with how things were going so far. So why kill the mood?

 

 

Magnus knew something was off.

He had this feeling one night, when they were making out and Alec kept spacing out, like if he was bored. And how could he be? 

They were celebrating their first anniversary as a couple. And maybe they were more new than the other couples they knew, but it was something special. Something full of true feelings and honesty. 

Then, why Alec shout him out of whatever problem he is facing?

Feeling worried. Scared. He hated it. This wasn´t supposed to happen. Not to them. Not when he was head over heels in love with that idiot.

But since the accident with Jocelyn Fairchild… Alec changed. 

People do that. Nothing can stay the same for too long. But there are things so good and special that it is a shame when they’re gone. And Alec truthful smile was something Magnus missed like crazy. The boy was full of positive vibes. He had a charming smile, innocent eyes, rosy cheeks, and he was so good at funny faces after every innuendo Magnus used to say… 

He was so young, after all, when they met the first time.

The fact was: Alexander Lightwood went to college so Magnus Bane could found a reason to stay in New York after his own graduation the same day they met.  
Love? Yes. Destiny? Maybe. Hot for a freshman? All the fucking time. He went straight for a “will you go on a date with me after class, pretty face?”, grinning, shameless.  
Wasn’t his fault that Alec had said yes. And neither his fault when he kissed him right in the mouth after two glasses of wine at Magnus’s loft that night.

The point, again: Magnus knew something was off.

And he was scared. 

 

 

“You packed like if you are moving out.”

“Darling, it’s light baggage.”

“The trip is for three days and you have three suitcases and a huge bag at the door. Where is the “light” description in all that?” Alec said, saving the plane tickets in a white fold. “Jace will not help you with your stuff, you know?”

“I do know. But you haven’t packed anything at all, Alec. Two backpacks makes you totally capable of being a nice boyfriend and helping a Magnus in need.” He said while Alec chuckled. This situation was a big Dejà-vu.

Alec hadn´t packed, not really. That was true. The bags in the door were camouflage, to stop anyone for asking before he could talk to Magnus. And God, this was going to be hard. It was worse because Alec didn’t know how to express feelings. Really. He just sucked at explaining things related to emotions. 

“Actually, I have something to tell you, Mags.” Alec said with one resolution in his mind. “I’m not going to this trip.”

“What!? Why?” Magnus blurted out, looking at him with worried eyes. 

“I, uh, need a break. I mean, you… what I’m trying to say is, that I’m leaving New York too. But not with you or the guys, uh… I-I feel terrible about everything, Magnus. I feel like… I feel like nothing makes sense anymore, I feel exhausted all the time. My mind is playing games with me since… well, you know. You know me well enough to be aware since when I… changed.”

Hell, yes. Magnus senses were always right. It was a gift and a curse, apparently. 

However, he definitely wasn’t expecting to be ditched out today, out of the blue.

Alec could feel his heartbeat, clearly. He didn´t know if Magnus was getting the idea that Alec pictured. His face, that beautiful and magical face, was emotionless. The Lightwood boy could tell how his boyfriend was trying to do the maths, maybe analyzing what to say, maybe blaming himself about Alec’s feelings. None of that stopped the anxiety in Alec’s body, who was playing the “stop breathing” game. 

“I-… Just to be clear, maybe I hit my head too hard while I was drunk yesterday. Are we breaking up, Alexander?”  
Were they? 

Was there any other ending for Alec Lightwood? Something else than being alone, in pain, heart broken and ate alive by guilt?

Of course not.

“Yeah. I guess.” Alec stated by handing him the white fold, with now, of course, only five plane tickets. “Mags, I’m doing this because…”

“Because you are scared. I know.” Magnus said, trying to keep away the urge of punching Alec. Seriously, what the hell? And yeah, Magnus was hating that pretty face right now, but the hate against himself? That was worst. 

After all, he was the one that looked away from the problem he knew Alexander have. He knew, and he did nothing, for Christ’s sake.

Magnus could tell Alec’s issues. 

First, the kid had so many insecurities. When they met, the boy insisted that he could not believe his luck; the fact that someone could be interested in him sounded like a beautiful lie to him. A lie he was willing to buy. Magnus felt sad every time his boyfriend, -ex boyfriend-, said nonsense like this. He was even offended. Magnus taste was the best. And if he liked that boy, it’s because he was an angel. 

Alexander Lightwood was his angel, dammit.

Second, keeping emotions out of the table. Alec never complains about the important subjects. He is always pleasing people. It’s just who he is. And maybe the reason for him to keep smiling after the accident a year ago, where Jocelyn Fairchild died. Alec felt guilty. Driving the car where Clary, Izzy and Jocelyn where singing bad modern songs, he trying to focus on the road full of snow and cold water… Then Valentine crashing his own car against them, just an act of jealousy after Jocelyn and Clary moved in with Luke Garroway. 

For Alec, it didn´t matter if he passed out after taking the three injured girls out of the broken car. 

For Alec, the bruises in his sister and Clary’s bodies were because of him.

For Alec, he was the driver who was alive while Jocelyn wasn´t.

For Magnus, Valentine stole his Alexander that day.

And now this was happening. A bad memory was taking away his life. 

“I’m sorry.” The boy said. Words weren’t that powerful, but were better than nothing.

“It’s okay, Alec.” Lips bitten. A battle was lost. “Well, it’s not okay. I’m definitely not okay. But the fact that you took the decision, says how bad you need this. And I respect that. So don’t worry, no drama about it. Not right now, at least. Can´t promise you more than that.”

It hurts like hell. 

It hurts like hell.

Alec’s eyes became wet. 

Magnus hands, shaking, hidden in the pockets of his pants. No need to show his suffering right now. Not when he could cry his eyes out after Alec leaves. 

What else he was supposed to do?

“Have you tell someone about this? I mean, Isabelle is going to hunt me. She will be mad.”

“Of course not, Mags. You’re the only one who knows.” Alec mumbled, thinking about his siblings. They’re going to be worried. But Alec needed time for himself, and that included everyone. Besides, that trip was supposed to help them forget about him too. “Please, don’t tell them I’m leaving. I’ll send them a message with a lie. They’ll think I’m staying for work. I don’t wish to ruin their vacations.”

And what about my life?

Magnus nodded.

The Lightwood boy felt terrible. Hurting Magnus was something he never wanted to do. But it was already done. And he always knew they weren’t meant to be. Even before the accident; since day one Alec felt blessed for the opportunity to meet Magnus. And having him as boyfriend just made his month, his year, his fucking life. 

Then, the time was over. Defeated, it was time to leave the good memories behind and have a new beginning. Not a better one, but maybe a peaceful one? 

“You know, Mags. Last night I had a kind of revelation.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I-… I know it’s late, but I realized, stupidly, that I never really told you how much I love you.”

Magnus didn’t talk anymore. He didn’t have to. 

The steps interrupting the silence were indicating that Alec was leaving.

Magnus took his hands off the pockets. The silver ring in his right hand looked less shiny without his future owner there. It was ridiculous. 

Magnus laughed. It was just how he started crying.


	2. The sun in the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t tell a person what to feel. You should know better.”
> 
> “If that is true, why you keep telling me to don’t feel bad about Jocelyn?”
> 
> “Because I can see it’s not a feeling, is a decision. And a crappy one.” Magnus said with calm, walking closer to Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! I finished an extra chapter. I hope you like it too. I want to thank you for the comments, bookmarks, kudos and the hits to this story! You are so nice :)

Regret.

That is the first feeling he had after four weeks without Magnus Bane. 

A month ago, Alec took a big decision. And he was so sure of doing the right thing that the first hour away from New York made him feel free. Even in peace. Something unknown if you are, well, him.

But as in grief, there are stages. A bunch of steps that you have to live before you can leave everything behind. 

The first one, was freedom. Sweet and enjoyable freedom. 

Sometimes being alone brings the best of you, because you don’t have to pretend for anyone. You are not the boyfriend, the brother, the friend or the son. You are whoever you want to be. Just for you. And Alec loved that stage… thinking it will be permanent.

What a fool!

The second one, the doubt. 

‘Am I doing the right thing?’ ‘Will I miss him?’ ‘Will they forgive me?’ ‘Am I being selfish?’

‘Is this what I really want?’

This was the longest and most constant stage, because overthinking is a big issue for the human race. And for Alec was worst. 

Izzy, his little sister, always called him the king in overthinking everything. And Alec knew better: the king was always the worst at making choices, if Game of Thrones has teach him something.

The third stage came when he arrived at his new home. An apartment as empty as his dry eyes that first week. 

You don’t really know what is to be angry before you get angry at yourself. 

Bitter. He felt like this when that nurse gave the final news about Jocelyn. But this time was different. This time he did choose to hurt people, and himself. And for what? A life without people you care, without places you know, without moments to remember.

And yeah, he deserved to suffer. But not them. Not Magnus. 

The fourth is called fear. And it came after a month of moping, crying, nightmares and wondering. 

‘Did Magnus get over me?’ ‘Is Jace a father already?’ ‘How are things between Simon and Izzy?’ ‘Is Clary okay?’

… Oh, God.

But, as in grief, there are stages. And after you finish that path, a resolution appears.

He needs to stop wondering. He needs to make sure he did the right thing. And the only way was to buy a ticket and go back. Not to stay, but to make sure he will take the same decision and leave again, just because he was right since the beginning. 

Penitence could wait a weekend.

 

 

 

“No, I’m not doing it.”

“Simon, please! You are his favorite uncle! Act like the best one just this time.” Clary pleads while showing the adorable face of a sleeping baby.

Three weeks ago Clary became a mom. The kid was just beautiful. Blonde as his father and with big green eyes as his mother. No one was immune against the angelical little human, but Simon was trying to be smarter than that.

He loved the baby, but he knew that taking care of him was hard. The poor kid had the personality of Jace, always complaining about a lot of things, and the strong voice of Clary, making his cry really loud. 

So nope, Simon was smarter.

“I’m sorry, guys. But I can´t do it. Why me? You should ask Magnus, as you’ve been doing lately.”

“Magnus is busy tonight and we need to go to Luke’s. He said something about a way to track Alec. It’s time to do something. We need to find him, Lewis. You know that.”

“Track? As in the police tracking him?” Simon opened his eyes in awe. He never thought that his friends will take this to another level. After what happened, what Magnus said, it was very clear that Alec needed space. 

“It’s been a month, Simon. No calls, just a text every weekend.” Clary sighed, sad green eyes. “He is not my blood brother, and he never agrees with me in anything, but Alec is part of my family and I will not let him do this. Not to us, not Magnus, Izzy, and definitely not to himself.” She stated, giving the baby to Jace. “I need to talk to him. Face to face. Alec needs to know how sorry I am.”

“Why? You did nothing.” Simon said, confused.

“I did. When my mom died, I was so affected that it never occurred to me how Alec was feeling. And it was quite obvious. I knew, Simon! Something was broken and I just decide to let it be because I needed to share my pain. And Alec was there, in the middle.” 

“Clary, love…”

Jace looked at her with sad eyes. Simon understood. Clary and Alec were important to him and both were suffering. 

In company of silence, no one could tell the hurt and the true, that looked just the same.

“He apologies to me once, and I said nothing. Just a hand in his back, a smile and I thought it was clear that I didn’t blame him.” Her eyes were shining. “He lived a whole year thinking the worst of himself and I could have helped him.”

Simon, as the best friend he was, couldn’t help it. 

Hugging was a funny action. It doesn’t erase the problems, but somehow it makes a person feel better. Clary was the example. She returned the hug and, with tears in her eyes, she smiled.

At the end, Simon wasn’t smarter than a vulnerable girl. 

At the end, he said yes.

… And the baby started crying.

 

 

 

Magnus returned to his apartment feeling cold. The night was particularly windy and he hated it.

Lately, coming back to the loft is one of the most difficult things he does. Besides waking up, looking at photographs, and of course, thinking and/or talking about certain tall-dark-and-handsome boy.

It’s been a month since Alec Lightwood decided he was the only human being who has felt emotional and mental pain, ever. Magnus thought about it every night and every morning. He concluded that Alec was taking a dangerous and lonely path for nothing. Forgiveness? He doesn’t need it and he has it, but it looks like it will never be enough for him. Family? Isabelle cries every weekend when the idiot sends those stupid text messages saying he’s fine, while Jace talks all the time about how Alec will come back any day.  
And love? Well, that was a hard one. 

“That idiot…” He mumbled taking his coat off.

“Someone I know?” A voice came from the balcony, where the doors were wide open, letting the wind get in. “Come on, Magnus, say something. I’ve been waiting for you to come back.”

Magnus eyes were open, full of questions, actually.

“What are you doing here?”

“How rude! I’m visiting you, honey.”

“Camille, please, quit the names, they sound awful coming from you.” Magnus stated looking at the familiar face. She was the last person he had had in mind since Alexander Lightwood appear in front of his eyes. They didn’t see each other since almost a month before the graduation, and he remembered why. So no, he wasn´t happy at all with her. “I told you the last time. Get the hell away from me and my friends. And that includes coming to my home. You aren’t welcomed anymore.”

“Magnus, please. It’s been so long since that mistake you are so mad about. I told you before, we have to be together. This time we aren’t in college anymore! We are adults, and we’re still perfect for each other. I miss you, honey.” She pouted, walking closer to the man. “I want you back.”

She looked beautiful as always, but her eyes were as cold as always too. 

There was a time when Magnus loved her. He did. But a relationship based on what Camille wanted and demanded every day, was exhausting, and he was done with it.  
He had a future and he wasn´t spending it with someone who didn’t love him back no matter what. Not a bit.

‘Ironic’ His mind played, making him look away.

“I don’t have time for this. You need to leave now and don’t come back.”

“Is this bad treatment because of that puppy of you? What was his name? Lightwood?” The name made him frown. “You don’t have to worry, babe. I know he is not here, and I know he is living a happy life away from New York. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“What?” Magnus opened his eyes in surprise. 

Finally! Someone knew that Alec was alive, that was okay. He didn’t even care it was Camille the one giving the good news. His heart jumped with relief. His chest tasting joy after weeks of concern. 

“Yeah, I saw your puppy the other day. He was fine. I would say... happy.”

“You don’t know him enough to say if he is happy or not.” He claimed. The idea of Alexander being more than okay with the decision he took made him upset. “You shouldn’t talk about him at all. You made his life difficult before, you hate him. Why should I…?”

“I told you, Magnus! He doesn’t need you anymore. I do. And you need to let it go, whatever relationship you had with him. I am the one you love, always was that way. I can see it even now, how affected you are when I’m this close!” Camille was face to face with him this time. 

Too close. Too wrong.

Even though the words were sharp against his heart, Magnus knew, in the moment, that he may need to find someone else to love, to care for. But also, Magnus knew, in the moment, that Camille wasn’t the right choice for that job.

And while his mind took the hint, the man could hear the door opening at his back. 

 

 

 

It was freezing. Alec was trembling with each step. 

It was his fault, though. He packed just the basics, and that should have included a jacket, but no. Everything was happening to quickly that he forgot how cold can be New York.  
Luckily, Magnus’s building was just in front of him. 

He entered and took the stairs, hoping to warm himself with the exercise. In less than two minutes he reached the door he was looking for. And what now? He was just supposed to knock and wait for Magnus to welcome him with open arms and his caring smile? Probably no. 

However, he didn’t have a better idea.

Adjusting the backpack in his shoulder, and just when he was about to knock, he heard something: ‘… you need to let it go, whatever relationship you had with him. I am the one you love, always was that way. I can see it even now, how much affected you are when I’m this close!’

What?

Was that Camille Belcourt?

Alec pushed the door and what he saw just broke his already broken heart…

 

 

 

Kissing Camille felt wrong in so many ways that Magnus wanted to cry. And if he didn’t, was because the girl, amused, let him go after he tried to push her… just to give him the opportunity to look at the new face.

Shit. 

“Look at you, Lightwood. We came from the same airport and still you are this late. What took you so long?”

“You said you saw him ‘the other day’ and ‘away from here’! You lied!” Magnus accused, taking several steps away from her.

Of course she lied. She is Camille. She’s always causing him problems. She was having the time of her life playing him about his situation with Alexander and he didn’t see it. Now Magnus knows that Alec came back, maybe a couple of hours before this, and that Camille saw him, like an opportunity to mock him, again.

Alec seemed very sad. And definitely Magnus needed to control himself. Crying wasn’t an option. Never in front of this two.

“I-… I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m here anyway.” Alec said after a minute of silence. 

Without any answer, he left the place.

Magnus was getting used to this. Alec is always running. Always shutting up his feelings.

Always leaving him.

He knew the best option was letting him go. But you know what? Breaking his heart for a second time that year was a more suitable option than staying there, hearing Camille making fun of the love of his life. 

He took his coat again and left. Not before telling Camille to close the door before she leaves.

New York had this almost white halo, similar to the one before snow shows. The wind was scraping his skin. The sun was falling, slowly, dying as if someone had kill it. Similar to what he felt for weeks.

However, he only knew that Alec wasn’t leaving again without Magnus telling him a couple of things before.  
Walking under the cold and thin rain was arduous. Feeling the water run against his face was making him difficult the task of looking for Alec. So he decide to try again with the cellphone. 

Waiting, he gave up. 

Pain. More pain. Unresolved feelings. Loneliness.

Then, he saw him. 

 

 

‘Magnus’ His mind registered. 

Light.

‘Why? It’s been just weeks, but he…’

Bright light. Cold.

‘Camille. Of course it was Camille, he loved her. He always did…’

Shaking. The brightest light he ever saw.

‘I shouldn’t have come back here.’

 

 

 

Regret. 

That was the feeling Magnus had when Alexander Lightwood was pulled out of the storm.

He took all his strength and carry him the best he could back to the loft.

The boy looked like a ghost, pale and cold skin. The hair was as wet as his clothes. The eyes were hide under long eyelashes. But also, he looked beautiful. He was an angel, after all.

“Alexander…” The man whispered, soft. His hand was petting Alec’s hair.

Magnus was lying beside the black haired boy, waiting for him to wake up. He decided to get Alec naked before putting him in bed. Maybe wasn’t the smart option after what happened, but his ex-boyfriend wasn’t going to catch pneumonia if he could do something.

Studying him with time by his side, Magnus sighed. 

Alec was thinner and paler. 

He could picture the boy living limited of everything… A way to punish himself, Magnus guessed.

He waited for almost half an hour, until Alec, coughing painfully, pushed himself out of the covers. Magnus tried very hard not to stare at his body, but was shamelessly failing. Couldn’t stop thinking how wonderful was to the touch, how warm was that chest, and how bad he missed the owner too.

“What the…?” Alexander mumbled seeing the lack of clothes, for both of them.

“Don’t freak out. I didn’t put a hand on you. Not that I wasn’t tempted.” The older said, trying to be funny, walking around the room.

Alec took the shirt and sweatpants Magnus offered him. The confusion growing fast. The questions were showing in his face. And, above all, his head and throat hurt. Once he wasn’t kind of naked, he felt a little better. 

“I will leave now.”

“No, you don’t.”

The Lightwood stared at Magnus, surprised for the tone of voice and the serious face.

“I can’t be here. Camille is-…” 

“She is not here!” He snapped. “She came uninvited. And what you saw?” Magnus stopped, seeing the hurt in the hazel eyes. “Is ancient history. You know me better than that, Alexander.”

Silence. 

Did he?

Alec wasn’t sure anymore. But he was sure of something though, he had to go.

New York didn’t feel like home. More like a place where his demons hide, waiting for every mistake to came back. And Alec was sick of making them feel worthless. 

“I’m so sick of this.” He whispered to himself.

“So do I, but what can I do? It was never my call, was it?” Magnus replied, upset.

The Lightwood boy started trembling, slightly. 

“You know nothing! You think it was easy for me and you are mad, but you really have no idea!”

“I would have a better idea if you weren’t so selfish! Do you understand that Jocelyn’s death wasn’t you fault? Do you know Valentine was hunting her weeks before the accident? Do you asked Clary what she think about it or you just assumed she went to parties and shared a table with you at dinner so she can blame you for killing her mother?” Magnus yelled. 

Alec stayed there, unable to respond.

Magnus knew. He always knew.

‘But he never said anything. Why?’

Magnus never spoke to him like this. He always treat him great, with charm, with soft eyes and with a very sweet mouth. He never said mean words. He never said… the true?

“Clary hates me, deep inside she does. She has to.” He mumbled, for the first time, unsure of his words.

“You can’t tell a person what to feel. You should know better.”

“If that is true, why you keep telling me to don’t feel bad about Jocelyn?”

“Because I can see it’s not a feeling, is a decision. And a crappy one.” Magnus said with calm, walking closer to Alec.

Having him there, in front of him, made him feel in need of a hug. With desire of a kiss. Moreover, with feelings in chaos, which was consuming and exhausting. They were so tired…

“I-… I can’t come back here.”

“Then don’t.” The older said firmly.

Alec felt like crying. 

That was unexpected. For a moment he really thought Camille was just a ghost, but maybe he was wrong? Or it was because, after all this drama, Magnus finally understood how fucked up he was? 

Whatever the reason was, Alec never thought he will kick him out of his life. No matter how much he deserved it. 

“Okay.” He said in low voice. “I really have to go now.”

“Alexander, stop.” Magnus exclaimed, grabbing the cold arm. Alec was still so cold after spending time in the storm. “What I meant, is that you don’t have to come back to New York, but it doesn’t mean that your siblings and I can’t be with you somewhere else.”

“What?”

“Yeah! Think about it. You are going to graduate very soon. After that, you and I can leave and bought a new apartment. Maybe in California? You always complain about cold weather and you are so pale already… The sun would be lovely in your skin.”

The idea sounded magical. But what stuck in Alec’s mind was something else.

“You and I?”

“Uhm, yes? I-… Would you like that?”

“Me?” Alec asked in shock. “What about you? I thought you… after what I did…”

“Alec, I told you Jocelyn wasn’t-…”

“No! No, I mean what I did… to you. I hurt you. And I kept doing it for a whole year. You never said anything. You were always there, ready to cheer me up, to make me feel better and loved, every day…” He explained, thinking in a lot of memories of last year that looked innocent back then, but now were clearer, showing him how unfair he was to Magnus. “I can tell now how distant I became. I can tell now, your sad faces every time my mood went from angry to worse. I-… I’m so sorry, Mags. I’m sorry.”

‘There he is.’ Magnus thought, feeling happiness in giant waves. ‘Finally, the true Alexander Lightwood was there, in front of him, one more time.’

Magnus placed hands in both cheeks. Pink for the cold, for the blush, for how upset Alec was at himself. It was beautiful see that Alec cared. Magnus could scream with joy, looking at the hazel eyes, the eyes that were filled with love. 

Alec haven’t looked at him like this, not for almost a year.

This was all Magnus wanted. 

For a moment, they forgot about problems, persons, and everything that wasn’t the man in front of them. 

Alec isn’t sure, but maybe was Magnus who took the last step, joining their breaths, pressing lips, moving them and giving him the hint to kiss with every drop of love he had left.

Oh, love.

They kept kissing for minutes, going for chaste kisses to passionate ones. 

“I love you, Alec. It’s always been like that. And no matter what, I’ll be by your side. Not because I’m the solution to your problems. Hell, I am not. It’s pretty obvious that I could be one more to your problem list.” Magnus whispered against Alec’s red lips. “However, I’ll be there to bother you, to help you if I can, to listen if that’s what you need… but never, ever, walk away from me without allow me to do something about it.”

Alec nodded, resting his head in Magnus’s shoulder, not wanting to lose the touch.

“I don’t care how long will it take, but I’ll make you see that the world is not ending because of you.” Hugging Alec’s waist, Magnus closed his eyes, inhaling his lover scent. 

“And I don’t care how long will it take, but I’ll make up to you for all this episode. I promise.” The taller boy said, looking at the balcony he liked so much.

After weeks away, Alec just could thought about something: He loved Magnus, more than he thought.

And yeah, problems still existed. Alec was everything but perfect, no doubt. But looking at the sun rising in the sky, fighting against gray clouds… he could see similitude. 

He could be the sun in the storm. 

No one could kill a fighter like the sun.

No one should try.


End file.
